No Tears On My Pillow

Finding Myself Again

I am feeling absolutely wonderful and positive. I never thought I would feel this good so soon. I think the last two and half years were the most difficult years of my life. Things happen for a reason and I am looking at this as an opportunity to correct the mistakes I have made. I was crushed when I lost the babies, but now I am relieved. I look at the loss as God was watching over me and taking care of me. It was never meant to be. At the time I was going thru all the miscarriages and the troubles in my marriage I didn't understand why I couldn't have a happy life. I wanted so badly to have the happy marriage and a beautiful little baby to make everything complete. As I look back, I realize I was trying to have a baby for all the wrong reasons. I wasn't trying to have a baby for me, that's not really what I wanted. I was trying to have a baby to make him happy. All the time, I was lighting my candles and praying to God to watch over me and my family, to give him strength and to help us with our troubles. I didn't understand then, but I understand now. God was watching over me. For me a family is about unconditional love, honesty, trust and to never let down the ones you love. For him it was about the picture you paint, a pretty picture without any real meaning. We were objects instead of people. To me life is about what you accomplish and the mark you leave in life and on others. I tried so hard to make things right. I just thought if I made him happy and showed him I would do almost anything to make him happy, he would change. I realize now, no matter what I did, it would never change who he is. He would never give me the love, respect and commitment that I deserve. Maybe I just look at life differently than others. A few years back, I was given 10-15 years to live, I was given a second chance, I swore that day I would never take my life for granted or the people in my life for granted. I swore I would value and cherish every moment I had to spend with the ones I love. I don't want my children growing up in a home where there is fighting and abuse. I want my children to be able to look back on their childhood memories as happy ones. You have to value your life and the lives of people in your life and hold them near and dear in your heart. Life is short and you never know when it will be over. I don't want to be one of those people laying in their death bed regretting all the mistakes they have made in their life. I tell the people in my life, I love them any chance I get because you never know if it will be your last time. I got a little lost along the way, my life wasn't supposed to be about trying to keep him happy. I know I did everything I could to try to make him happy, but no matter what I did he would never be committed to me or our marriage. My life is supposed to be about making myself happy, my children happy and the ones who love me happy. Saying "I love you" and loving someone are two different things. Saying "I love you" are just words and without the love behind the words make them meaningless.

Missouri Man Wins $258 Million In The Power Ball Jackpot

Chris Shaw of Jefferson City, Mo. bought his winning ticket during his lunch break at the convenient store where he worked on Wednesday as a clerk.  Chris checked his ticket at the state's lottery website after his girlfriend told him the winning ticket had come from the store where he works. Chris says he didn't know how he was going to pay his utility bills and he only has $28 in his bank account.  Now he said he can pay his bills and he can take all his children to Disney World. Chris Shaw has three different children by two different women who live about 240 miles from him and his girlfriend has two children. Chris says he can now spend more time with his children, his mother and buy he can buy his children the bikes and skate boards they have been asking for, which is a little hard to do on $7.25 an hour.  Chris also said he plans on getting his two front teeth fixed that he lost because he couldn't afford to take care of them. The Missouri man recently bought a 1998 Ford Ranger for $100 from his friend and he said he is going to pay his friend a $1,000 for the truck. I'm sure Mr. Shaw will buy him a new truck with his lottery winnings now.  Chris says he plans on consulting someone who knows a little bit about money before he decides how he will take his lottery winnings. It's nice to see the underdog come out on top for a change. Congrats Chris Shaw!

Kwame Kilpatrick found guilty of violating his probation.

Kwame Kilpatrick is another one I am getting tired of hearing about.  Good 'ole Kwame has been on the news almost everyday for months now. Kwame Kilpatrick is a scam artist and a whole lot more.  Kwame Kilpatrick is claiming he only has $6.00 a month after expenses to pay his restitution.  However, him and his wife have $500,000 a month flowing thru their account and he only has $6.00 a month after expenses, that's funny. My husband and I don't bring in nothing close to $500,000 a month and have more than $6.00 a month after expenses. If he is going to tell a lie, he should have come up with a better lie than that. Kwame was found guilty of violating his probation by not disclosing his financial records and the sentencing is set for May 20, 2010. Back to jail you go, Kwame.  Quit wasting the money of the hard working citizens of Wayne County, Michigan and pay up.

Facebook & Myspace

I'm watched the Dr. Phil show today about myspace and facebook.  I would have to say people need to open their eyes.  Facebook is fun, but some people have become so superficial through using these social networking sites and too many people are screwing up the real relationships in their life for relationships with others on the net.  You can't blame Facebook or the other social networking sites. It's a business, they are there to make money.  It's the people using these sites that take things to far.  According to the latest report put out, facebook is cited in 1 out of 5 divorces. People screw up their marriages and relationships for brief online encounters with others.  They go from one person to the next. Is it really worth ruining your marriages and relationships for brief encounters with people online.  Pictures can be deceiving and they can post anything they want to online.  That doesn't mean it's real.  The average person who you probably wouldn't give a second look in the real world has figured out ways to catch attention of people online. Did you ever stop and think that if they have to use the internet to get someone, maybe they are not worth your time and effort? Maybe they are on the internet meeting people because they have a difficult time meeting people in the real world and lack the social skills and appearance to do so in the real world. Online is a fantasy world and people need to wake up. In my opinion, people are getting lost in the online world and are forgetting about the ones in their life that are there for them in the real world.

Detroit Rated In The Top Ten Worst Places In The World?

CNN rated Detroit, Michigan in the top ten most dangerous places in the world, right up there with Baghdad. Seriously, I know Detroit is bad. But, come on. I have been in Irag, and I would much rather be live 30 minutes outside of Detroit than 30 minutes outside of Baghdad. I haven't had to worry about a bomb going off while I'm sitting in my home yet.  But, when I was in Irag, the post office was bombed. Everyone was scared at first, then everything went back to normal shortly after the bomb going off. It's a way of life in the Middle East. I wasn't even in Baghdad, I was in Samawa. I think that is a serious over statement about Detroit. It is farely safe to walk around in Detroit during the day, but you never now when a bomb is going to go off in Bagdad, day or night. I am sure I could come up with my own top ten worst places in the world to be, but Detroit would be up there in the top ten.

Tish, Tish on Tiger!

Why is it that Tiger doesn't seem to think he should be upheld to the same standards as everyone else.  Tiger went on television saying he was going to change and start controlling his temper on the course.  Apparently Saturday, Tiger was full of profanity when things didn't go his way.  I am sorry, but Tiger Woods acts like a 2 year old who throws temper tantums when things don't go his way and hasn't mastered self-control yet.  Tiger Woods makes too much damn money to be so disresptful on the course.  I think all of his money and fame has gone to his head and he doesn't seem to think he should follow the same rules as everyone else.  Tiger should learn to think with the God given head that was put on his shoulders and learn a little self control.  The tournaments are broadcast live, Tiger gets paid very well and he should respect the rules of live broadcasts.  Tiger Woods needs to realize all his money and fame can dissappear just as fast as he got it.  Grow up, Tiger!