Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Getting Cozy

My silly animals love sleeping under the blankets. My little one Sammy thinks Max is a baby & treats him like one. That could be why he is a little confused.

Sasha crawls up and under the blankets to get in. I discovered a bump under my blanket and I thought I forgot a pillow in the bed when I made it. So, I stuck my hand under the blanket and jumped because there was something furry in my bed.

The Stupid Things People Do

Funny Sex Bloopers

The Craziest Sex Bloopers The ER Doctors & Nurses Have Ever Seen

"A young couple came in with this story: During sex, the woman had grabbed a medium-size rubber ball and inserted it into her man's back door. The ball became lodged so high in his rectum, they couldn't get it out... and neither could we! The attending MD paged a surgeon, but while we were waiting for him to arrive, the man began coughing. The ball came flying out of his butt with enough velocity to ping around the room and hit the just arriving surgeon in the head."

"One night, a gurney rolled in carrying a woman in black lingerie-who happened to be straddling a naked man. They told us that they had been doing a lot of drugs and having wild sex when the woman's vagina cramped up and the guy couldn't pull out. The doctor on duty gave her muscle relaxants, and after several minutes, they were able to separate. Then they were promptly arrested on drug charges."

"A guy came into our ER one night. When the doctor asked him to describe his problem, he reached into his bag, pulled out a sex-toy catalog, and pointed to a long, curved toy on one of the pages. 'I can show you what's in there,' he winked. 'Now let's see if you can get it out.' The doctor did, after leaving the room to stop laughing so hard."

"I'll never forget the time an ambulance brought in a young slacker guy and his girlfriend. They had decided to get it on in his grandmother's basement while she was out of the house. They'd grabbed a tube of what they thought was lubricant from her wellstocked medicine cabinet.
"Unfortunately, it was nitroglycerin paste, a heart drug that can cause a potentially fatal drop in blood pressure. When Grandma came home, she found the couple lying on top of each other, unconscious and buck naked. They eventually came to after we gave them oxygen and fluids."

"When I was just starting out as a nurse, I had to give a sponge bath to an incredibly hot male patient. I tried to be very professional about it and not embarrass either one of us. But when it was time to wash his back, instead of saying 'Turn over,' I accidentally blurted out 'Move over.' He gave me a huge grin and said, 'Oh, I don't know if there's enough room, but trust me, I'll try!' "

"A hysterical woman came into the ER. She'd just had a fight with her boyfriend while sitting in his parked car. She said she had gotten so mad at him that she pulled the key out of the ignition and put it in her vagina so he couldn't drive home! Now she couldn't locate the key to get it out. I couldn't find it either, so we concluded that it must have fallen out somewhere near her boyfriend's car."

"A man explained that his girlfriend had tried to take his temperature rectally and 'lost' the thermometer. I could actually see the glass tip poking out of his rear end, so I got a padded clamp and gently began pulling. It was a thermometer all right, but one for a fish tank-more than a foot long!"

Crazy Wedding Pics

Obscene Snowman

45-year-old man who lives on Buffalo Westsprings Highway built a snowman and gave him a pink male genital part. A Union County officer was called to the man's house because of a complaint about his snowman. The man said he would take it off. However, he didn't because he felt he shouldn't have to, because the snowman was on personal property. Well, the officer was called back to the property again about the snowman. The officer told the man he has to remove the body part. At first the man refused to remove the snowman's genitals, until he was told if he didn't remove the pink body part he would be arrested. A snowman must be a snow person.

I Am In Need Of A Spa Day!

I am sooooo in need of a spa day. I didn't hit the spa on a regular basis, but at least a few times a year. I am in a real need of a deep tissue massage. My muscles feel so tense. It is so nice to go there and wrap up in the big fluffy robe and sip on gourmet teas while your waiting for your massage. The atmosphere alone is relaxing, then add in a 50 minute deep tissue and it's like a little peace of heaven. Not to mention, it is so therapeutic to your body and mind. By the time you leave there, you feel like floating for the rest of the day. At least until the kids get home from school and they begin their arguing and it snaps you back into reality.  Being on a budget is no fun.

Amazon Reviews