Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.
Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
If life is a bowl of cherries, why am I stuck with the pits?
As he was valiant, I honor him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.