"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.”
-Lyndon B. Johnson
“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.”
“They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.”
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?”
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."
"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”
"Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you."