"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
-Groucho Marx
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.”
-Lyndon B. Johnson
“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.”
-Unknown
“They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.”
-Mae West
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?”
-Barbra Streisand
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."
-Erma Bombeck
"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”
-Unknown
"Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you."
-Unknown
